A Force for Good. Part 2
Tom and I always disagreed about politics, but it was easier to keep my opinions to myself when I was the facilitator and needed to maintain peace in the prison classroom. I was aware of how sharply divided the group of men in my reading group was because even when we had rich discussions about novels, there were often wisecracks about our country, our presidents ( I was inside with the book program through three administrations) and certainly who or what was to blame for just about everything.
As a diehard liberal Democrat, I found myself in the hottest water once, when a student broke down close to tears, throwing his hands up in the air and proclaiming, “Trump has done nothing WRONG!” They were trying to impeach him (for the first time, I should note) and I had disregarded what a tender topic it was for his supporters. For me, Washington’s upheaval kept me riveted by NPR on my long drive home from the prison, silently praising those who would attempt to take him down.
When Tom was released from 25 years of incarceration last year, we had a sort of reunion over Mexican food, which I wrote about then. We lightly touched on politics in a joking manner, but during subsequent conversations, I realized that it went much deeper and was more complex than just blaming the man at the top. Policies around law enforcement, immigration, the military, and certainly the prison reform movement became fragile and divisive — topics to steer clear of.
During the election, it was clear we sat on opposite sides of the fence, and occasionally Tom’s posts on social media, about poorly treated veterans (I agree) and keeping our borders safe (damn that wall) reminded me of the abyss between us. Tom knew I was aching to be done with Trump as he continued to support him. At one point, to keep things light, I proposed a steak dinner invitation should Biden win the election. Instead of the loser buying dinner, the onus was upon the winner. That way the usual rules of a winning bet were not a bigger burden on the loser. It was fun, a distraction from the frustration with a country that seemed chronically divided, disconnected, and hopeless. Naturally, the other part of the proposal was that if Trump was re-elected, Tom would buy me dinner. We let the whole thing go as the madness of the election unfolded.
Last night, we sat down in a plush booth in a 25% occupancy fine steakhouse in Denver, as I made good on the promise. Not a word was spoken of the election, the narrow margins of defeat for Trump, the contested results, the horrifying “insurrection” or even Biden’s shelter pup, Major — since Tom had been a dog trainer in prison, making magic happen with the toughest canines that became his charges. That might have been a starting point. But I left it.
As Tom approached the corner booth, again I was startled by the way he exuded health and gratitude: a big smile on his face as he sat down and we fell immediately, and easily, into conversation. We toasted, iced tea for him, a single glass of Pinot Noir for me, his first anniversary- a year of freedom. In this one past COVID obliterated year that everyone else bemoans as the worst- 2020 being a total disaster, Tom had scored a helluva lot of notches in his belt. A hard, dangerous job with a big company that lays sewer line, where he is learning a lot and is traveling for work and has a promotion in sight. He’s planning on moving in with his girlfriend while looking to buy a home. Subject to his credit score improving to where it needs to be. He’ll save more, get some almighty credit cards, plan to improve that score in the coming year as he prepares to find the right house. No more apartment rent, he needs his own place with a yard and a mortgage. This is a man who’s a walking daily planner.
Tom, once an angry, silent man simmering with bad memories and outrage at the prison life, has found his place in the world. He laughs easily, constantly weighs right and wrong in everyday decisions, and loves to go to church. It was all so humbling, and truly, the political strife faded away as we ate our perfect steaks and he promised that next time, he’d be cooking.
What does all this really mean in terms of the big picture of the horrors of mass incarceration vs. redemption and second chances? The top eight needs assessed by the Department of Corrections (according to the Urban Institute/Justice Policy Center in D.C.) for successful release from prison include housing, employment, substance abuse treatment, current medications being provided, identification, veteran’s benefits if applicable, a mental health history and a substance abuse history. Those are certainly key components to have in place. But each of those challenges is inextricably connected to more social and emotional needs to combat the need for connection and validation, that we all crave. This is essential if we expect formerly incarcerated men and women to break old cycles and ease the transition into a new life that is overwhelming and can be beyond daunting. Family members (if there are any) and other relationships that provide healthy, quality emotional support can impact recidivism and ensure better outcomes. Tom and I both know all of this well, as he’s had decades to prepare himself for this new world, as I’ve been standing by cheering him on from a distance.
What I hadn’t been entirely prepared for has been the switching from a supervisory, dominant role as a teacher/facilitator, required and encouraged by the volunteer code of the prison- a sort of savior role that I denied while playing it. Code-switching a key requirement for the work. The more authentic person I’m noticing is the one I am becoming- a friend, a mentor, and an equal. A good listener. No judgments, just as I advised a classroom full of readers and opinions. Tom and I ate our dinners and laughed a lot. We shared stories of prison indignities from both of our positions and spoke kindly of wonderful people we had known. A few painful gut-punches recalling those lost to the virus which rampaged through a locked-down prison.
I listened while Tom listed the many accomplishments he has achieved this first year, as he shared his goals that lie ahead. I felt so proud of him that I could even make a small Trump joke as we put on our coats and prepared to leave the restaurant. Something about how I agreed, if you disregard all those pesky votes for Joe Biden, yep, Donald Trump won big.